You should keep your distance, give them lots of space and work on having a full life outside of the relationship.
You will need to engage in lots of activities and work on maintaining lots of “normal” friendships in order to get your needs for social interaction met.
Brit and Catherine Two and a half months ago, a woman broke up with me who happens to have at least five of these. O People with an avoidant attachment style usually are not capable of changing on their own.
They are 5, 6, 17, 18, 19, and maybe 13 and 1 [see list below]. I still care about her just as much as I did when we broke up, and I really wish there was some way I could help her realize how beautiful it is to fully share oneself with a partner. Some manage to change after years of talk therapy and/or cognitive-behavioral therapy.
I wouldn’t want that to necessarily be with me, but I feel like she’s missing out on a pretty crucial aspect to her life. But most with this attachment style don’t even know that they are acting out of fear.
Unfortunately, she’s not talking to me anymore so any kind of help I can give is unlikely to happen, but if there ever comes a time when I’m in her life again, how can I help? They will tend to rationalize their behavior (“I wasn’t that into him anyway”, “I am too busy to be in a serious relationship”, etc.).
You could try to make them realize that they are depriving themselves of life in its fullest and suggest that they work with a therapist. Brit or Catherine any question about love or relationships, what would your single most important question be?
If their case is severe and their fears occur below the level of consciousness, they will most likely refuse to listen to you. If they are more in touch with their feelings, you may be able to convince them. They make up excuses because they cannot face the fear that they are struggling with deep down.If you are in a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style (be it friendship or a romantic relationship), and you really want to continue seeing this person, then you should know that your relationship is never going to be a normal one.You will have to rely on yourself for reassurance, confidence, love, etc., because the other person is not going to be able to provide it very often.If you are in any kind of relationship with a person with an avoidant attachment style, you cannot expect much in return.